For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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