Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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