I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
