Yo dont text me then not text me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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