i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
