what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
