I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
