I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
