Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
