Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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