In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
