dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
