im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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