I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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