She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
