Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
