guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
