Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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