Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
