Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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