I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
