You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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