oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
