Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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