I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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