this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Green mimosas i think yes
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
