so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i think im in europe. pls send help
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
