You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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