so explain again why im purple
no
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it's great music for shaving your balls
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
