I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
