I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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