i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I cockslap morals
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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