Me too!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
