sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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