and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
