is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
