I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
