know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
