this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This house was built for laser tag.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
