I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
