If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
