my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My balls are so social today.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
