at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
