my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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