I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
