3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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