Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
