2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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