You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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