So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
