Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
