Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
