Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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