Moan for me like Helen Keller
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
