You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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