I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
