This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's never too late to be topless.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
