Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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