3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
