How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
