You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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