does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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