Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
