just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
