Can Purell be used as lube?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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