He had one of those small greek statue penises
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
