Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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